I was talking with someone that drove drunk home from a club that was about 30 minutes away from his house. I tried to give a lecture but he just wouldn't see my points on how bad that was. Am I the only one that cares about something like this?
They were trying to justify why it was ok to drive this way... I don't see ANY excuse for this at all!
I tried to explain to him, if he got pulled over... it would have been hell. I had a friend pay fines of upwards of $5,000 when he got pulled over, and put in jail. Plus the lives you could take while driving that way, plus your own life... IT'S NOT COOL!!! And I really hope one day they'll be smart enough to think twice.
Yesterday was a nightmare. I seemed to have issues with several people at work. Long story short, bascially I was told one thing and then found out later that instead of listening to what I was told, I should have not done that.
I just wish people would be clear in what they say and not go back on it. Today has been a little better on me though.
This made me laugh...
Inside the card with the eyes it says "I only have eyes for you". Valentine's day cards.
Sometimes names can throw you off by the way... I was just on the phone with "Guy", and it was a female. I hate those situations when you say something like "Can you get him to fax me that report?" and then someone corrects you and tells you he is a she. It's ackward.
Here is something cute I stumbled upon. See tons of gay commericals HERE! This video will only be on this page for a few days so that each time you load the page you won't get it for like a month ;) After that I'll just put a line link here to access it. (video is now gone from my page so click on the link)
Oh, and check out THIS ONE, 2 gay skateboarders kissing (this aired on MTV) And check out TOY BOY, another funny commercial. You should really watch all of the top 10 viewed commercials at least on that website.
Some people are just addicted to certain things and have an addictive personality. Some to porn, some to smoking, some to drugs, some to eating, some to masturbation, some to video games, some to chatting ... etc...
I was thinking for people that are addicted to something, what is the best way for them to stop being addicted to it, or can they ever stop?
I remember a psych teacher once told me the best way for someone to ween themselves off something it to try to stay away from it. For instance, if you masturbate constantly and have an addiction to porn, you would get rid of it and stop searching for it.
Addiction is definately hooked to pleasure, as was tested in a study done on rats back in the 70's. A group of scientists did an experiment with rats where they plugged electrodes into their heads and wired them to a lever the rat could push. When the rat pushed it, it triggered the pleasure center. They wanted to see how far the rats would go for this trigger. They'd cross electric grating and all sorts of weird shit.
There was a group that could either push the lever for pleasure, or the lever for food, they starved to death because they wouldn't let off the pleasure lever. Addiction is caused by an uncontrolable desire to have that center activated. It brings pleasure.
I guess in this case you gotta find other ways to find pleasure. Addiction is definately interesting though. It's just kinda sad when someone relies on something so much, that they are just drawn to it in that way all the time.
I know people who when they first get up in the morning before they even get ready go, go to gay.com to chat. Just getting off on the pleasure of hearing someone say they are hot. It makes there day. And while I guess this isn't all that bad it's just weird to hear that you must rely on something else to give you that pleasure. And you can't find happiness and pleasure from within.
I was up chatting and got a message from someone I used to date. We haven't talked in MANY MONTHS (probably like 8-9 months at least). He was a good guy but just wasn't ready for a relationship when I went out with him because he still had his ex on his mind.
He basically said that he was sorry things didn't work out between us back then, and that for some reason he just couldn't get me out of his mind. He found out I'm currently with someone now and then he left it at he would have loved the chance to finually focus on something with me, and maybe I was "the one" that got away.
Why do people realize these things so late? I'm not saying it's a good thing because I love Chuck (the person I'm with now). It's just frustrating to hear this from several of my ex's in the past, and people I have dated. Why didn't they realize it while I was with them? I just thought I wasn't good enough for these guys. But none of them have been able to move on and forget about the times we had together. Why does this hit them afterwards? I guess I must leave some lasting impression. I'm flattered by it but at the same time confused. There must be something I'm doing wrong while with them, and something right for them to all consider me as being something special enough to give another chance. And not just another chance, but they have seemed to say similiar things... the basic "I can't stop thinking about you, and you really are something I should have never let go."
Funny thing is, I was telling a close friend of mine this and then he turns around and says "Billy, he isn't the only one who thinks that." And then goes on about how much he likes me. Two professions of lust/love (whatever you wanna call it), in one night.
All I got to say is that Chuck shouldn't worry his sexy head off about it (if he does). I have no plans on leaving him.
Strangely enough I get an e-mail from another friend this morning saying this :
from freewillastrology.com
In 1718, a top Lutheran official in Eisenach, Germany sent a letter to the town administrators of nearby Ostheim-vor-der-Rhoen, mandating them to choose a new priest for the local congregation. Due to human error, the mail didn't arrive until 2004, too late to fulfill its function. I regard this as an apt metaphor for a scenario that will soon unfold in your life, Gemini. You too will finally receive a long-delayed delivery. Unlike the German message that was 286 years tardy, however, yours won't be completely useless. On the contrary, it might be curiously fresh. In the big picture, its seemingly belated arrival may even be perfect timing
I don't know if that would be talking about the above or not. But it was strange to have those talks last night, and then get that horoscope from another friend this morning.
Anyways, I hope this doesn't sound like I'm bragging, because I don't want that. I just wanted to talk about this situation with me and how weird I find it to be. I have these past relationships with guys and then afterwards they all say similiar things. I must be doing something wrong, and something right. Guess the right just doesn't sink in right away, LOL!
Well, I'm very happy with my pup. And I hope he'll at least notice what he has today, and not let the same thing happen to us.
Do you ever wonder why life brings you to a certain point?
Look back and think damn, so that is why that happened?
Life is full of mysteries, and lately I've been thinking about it all. Also wonder why things happen in the first place.
Take for example Chuck and I... Chuck wrote me a message one day on Friendster.com . I'm guessing he saw my picture under one of his friends and he clicked on it to find out more. Who knows though, because I never did ask him how he came upon my picture on there. But I'd be curious to hear his full story on it. It may not be all that exciting to him, but hey... it's a part of how we met and our history.
Anyways, he wrote me a simple yet really cute message saying "Woof Billy, WOOF!". What made him write me? Did he want to meet me? Did he just want to say I was hot? I wonder because he usually doesn't date or go for guys so far away from where he lives. So I'm gonna guess yet again that maybe he just wanted someone to talk to and tell me I looked good.
So it's funny how life put us two together. Who knows what is down the line for us. Guess that is something we'll both find out. What I want is a home in the suburbs with him, kids, pets, I cut the grass, and most importantly to watch reality TV and cuddle with him *KIDDING.... sorta ;) * I want to grow old with him and make so many great memories and stories to tell our family, friends, and kids that they'll be saying "Shut up already!" ;) See the world with him, or even just our backyard... did I say cuddling? Ok, I admit, I'm missing him big time right now, and could definately use a cuddle.
But we could go down that dark path and realize it just ain't gonna work out. Maybe even turn out to hate each other. Who knows?
Do you really think we can push destiny into a new tomorrow? I hope so. Because boy do I want him with me.
CuteYoBoy: Do people kiss in heaven?
CuteYoBoy: I thought like sex would be out of the question there
Cmd0: lol, I dunno
Cmd0: you know it would be so funny if your allowed to do all the things in heaven that your not supposed to do on earth
Cmd0: jesus smoking marijuana
Cmd0: LMAO
Cmd0: and mary in a swingers party
Cmd0: that would be sooo funny
........
CuteYoBoy: I'll probably get the left over cloud.. the cherynoble one
Cmd0: naa
Cmd0: that would be like a hyped up cloud
Cmd0: or souped up rather?
CuteYoBoy: lol, pimped out
Cmd0: you wouldn't need headlights!
CuteYoBoy: LMAO
CuteYoBoy: I would glow in the dark
CuteYoBoy: I would stick out in a crowd
Cmd0: I dunno, you suppose your soul is suseptible to radiation?
Cmd0: suceptible
Cmd0: can be exposed to!
CuteYoBoy: maybe not... hmmm... something else to think about. I would guess not though
CuteYoBoy: But hey...
CuteYoBoy: then why worry about hell?
CuteYoBoy: Wouldn't your soul be suceptible to like heat and fire
CuteYoBoy: so maybe it is
Cmd0: hmm
Cmd0: I think heaven and hell are human concepts
CuteYoBoy: sounds like a good science paper
Cmd0: and they're existences aren't something we can comprehend
Cmd0: so we're given something we can comprehend
Cmd0: and it just so happens to be fire and brimstone
CuteYoBoy: is brimstone really all of that?
Cmd0: I mean lets face it eternity is a long time
Cmd0: and after a few hundred years
Cmd0: you would be like oh it's not hot in here anymore
CuteYoBoy: Brimstone would get pretty boring to look at all the time
Cmd0: and the stench, you don't notice it
Cmd0: and lets also look at this, eternity anywhere is a LONG freaking time
Cmd0: so even heaven could be hell
CuteYoBoy: LOL
Cmd0: I dunno about hell though, I think if the christian community is right, and all gay men, notice women are saved so we're only men going to hell, go to hell
Cmd0: everyday there would be drama
Cmd0: hell it would be like an atlantis cruise
Cmd0: hot weather
Cmd0: sweaty men
Cmd0: lol
Cmd0: and all the drama you could eat
Cmd0: so hell would be nothing more than eternity on a gay cruise line
CuteYoBoy: LOL
Cmd0: by the end of it all, we'd all probably be pretty slutty
And on a side note I just found out someone found my blog using the search term "Pixar Porn". Can you imagine if Pixar did porn?
Yeah, you got that right. Supposedly the Pentagon was about to research something that would turn someone into a homosexual.
The aphrodisiac chemical would be designed to make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. The resulting widespread homosexual behavior, the proposal suggests, would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal blow" to morale.
So lets try this again. I typed a nice long post and blogger decided it was gonna not save it.
Anyways, the other night I didn't get much sleep. I kept on having a reoccuring nightmare dealing with ghosts. They were in my friends house and we were trying to get rid of them. They weren't of the casper kind either. We tried just about everything, and I would keep waking up from it. Then go back to sleep and have the same situation over and over again. This must have happened about 8 times before I finually decided to say fuck it and get up for work. The last time my friend Maria threw herself out a window trying to take the ghost with her so that we could just get the fucker out of the house.
So today I decided to consult a Dream Dictionary online to see what it could mean. Here is what it said:
In general, ghosts symbolizes aspects of yourself that you fear. This may involve a painful memory, guilt, or some repressed thoughts. You may be afraid of death and dying. Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates a feeling of disconnection from life and society. This dream may be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior. Dreaming that you reach out to touch a ghost, but it disappears indicates that you are taking steps to acknowledging some painful or repressed thoughts even though you are not ready to fully confront them. Seeing the ghost of a living relative or friend in your dream means that you are in danger of malice acts by that person. Seeing the ghost of a dead friend/relative in your dream, suggests guilt and regrets concerning the past relationships with that particular person.
Not sure what to say about that. But in a way it does make some sense.
Even after a restless night it was such a beautiful day outside, it just gave me energy that I needed. It was about 70 outside and sunny for most of the day here. This is seriously unusual for the Washington DC area. I had my sun roof open and had this song (DJ Sammy - Boys of Summer)windows media 9 format playing. I actually started dancing, which is unusual for me since I dance worst then a white boy.
Oh well, might as well enjoy it now since I heard the cold is coming. BLAH!
Boy I'm on a roll in blogging lately. Don't get to used to it though ;)
So I got the tree out of the apartment, just a few thousand needles I had to pick up. But being the man that I am, I tackled it like a pro ;)
It was like a Friends/Seinfeld episode cuze I made a huge mess in the hallway outside the apartment and see if I'm cleaning that shit up... lol. I know, I should.. but the cleaning people come once a week. A week of it won't bother people to much. I had the run the tree out and do it quietly and on the down low because I didn't want my neighbors to come camplaining to me to clean up the mess out there. I've seen and smelled much worst things in that hall before.
Someone asked me recently what I was. I'm actually half Latin, half German. What a crazy mix. Might as well shoot yourself now if you were dating me. I have passion, but then I also get angry and think about world domination ;) And to top it off, I switch like a bi boy seeing a huge dick. Meaning I'm a Gemini, so my moods come and go.
Oh, in case you were wondering Chuck and I didn't get our picture together in front if the tree. I did take some pictures of the tree itself, but we couldn't find anybody to take our picture together in front of it :( We don't have any pictures of us together. We really need to change this sooner or later. We each have many pictures of the other alone.. I have my work and home desk with several of his pictures on each. But none together. Part of this is probably my doing to though. I have cameras all over. I have like three digital cameras. Two I carry with me everywhere I go. But I tend to look AWFUL in pictures of me when someone else is shooting the pictures. Like my eyes looked all drugged up or closed or something. I make stupid expressions. Only when I take the pictures do I know exactly when to look cool and keep my eyes open. Plus being honest I take like 100 pics before I'm satisfied with like 5 of them, LOL.
I saw this car license plate this morning say "PRNC LVR". I can understand liking/loving his music, but I find him to be weird otherwise. She could have meant something else by it, but I'm guessing from the purple suit jacket she was wearing it probably meant the artist formally known as Prince.
I just found out about these because a friends blog is actually nominated as best gay blog of the year. Guess that is a top honor or something ;)
Oh, and boy am I clueless! When looking at those nominations under "Gay Man of the Year" and there I saw Anderson Cooper, I 'bout fell off my chair! I guess I'm the only gay guy out there who doesn't read the news that often or keep in touch with his gay affairs because this just shocked me. I mean, my gaydar did kinda go off on him, but he really is!! I think that is pretty cool.
Well I stayed home from work due to a headache and getting shit done around the apartment. I'm now waiting for my roommate to leave so that I can take the Christmas tree down without any one witnessing what a fool I look like when I get pinched by needles to death.
The following has been edited to get rid of references and reduce time to read:
Someone: I know that PETER THE PUMPKIN EATER and I aren't going to work
Someone: the other thing Saturday when we were having this talk I asked him, do you want me or do you want a relationship
Someone: he said he wanted a relationship
Someone: I want HIM
Someone: does that make sense?
Someone: because they don't mean the same thing in my opinion
Someone: one you want a relationship, you'll take anyone you can
Someone: it's more for security than love
Someone: lol the other is you want to be with that person
CuteYoBoy: yeah, it makes sense... he is getting into a relationship with you for the wrong reasons if he doesn't want YOU
CuteYoBoy: Exactly, it is more for security if that is the case
CuteYoBoy: I think most people want someone around to cuddle with, talk to, ... have that sense of security... but they choose relationships with people that provide those things but at the same time they don't want that PERSON, they just want everything that goes with a relationship
Someone: lol but I want him
CuteYoBoy: well I really wish I knew what to say... the first thing that pops in my head is thinking, maybe you can get him to want you. But then I wonder if that really can work
Someone: *sigh* I can't
Someone: my strong point dosent
Someone: lie in the range of his priorities
Someone: looks are important to him
Someone: to him I'm just okay
Someone: it's funny
Someone: think about how menial this is
Someone: I CAN be happy single
Someone: I've done it before
Someone: so why am I working so hard for this?
Someone: why do I have to base my entire life around finding a relationship, especially when I know it won't last? CuteYoBoy: Maybe you like the challenge
CuteYoBoy: Maybe in your heart you are just longing for some time, ANY time you can spend with another person
Now I hope the person doesn't get mad at me for posting this. I really do think there are people out there who are not happy with who they are with, but happy with everything else that a relationship brings.
Maybe I'm wrong about that, but it wouldn't surprise me.
All I'm sure about on this is that I'm definately glad to have Chuck. I do know I want HIM. He's so wonderful to look at, he makes me laugh, sends me up to the heavens when he says "I love you". There are so many things about him as a person I do love.
While of course we have our differences, I know all couples have some.
Just pray for him in the coming weeks and months. Things are gonna get rough for him. While I am there by his side he can definately use you all as friends as well. Even if you are not really "friends" just say a quick one for him. I'm sure he is hurting on the inside about something right now and I feel bad I can't make it right. Now if only I had like super duper powers or money, then maybe I could.
You know how relationships are... they have the good and the bad. The highs and the lows... Chuck is going through a low right now and I wish this wasn't the case. Part of me wonders if I'm the right guy for him. I'm not saying that I'm not happy.. I am, but he isn't. And I know it's partly my fault. I really didn't do anything wrong (if you all are thinking "Shame! Billy had an affair!" that isn't the case at all). I don't even want to think about sex with anybody else, Chuck definately makes me happy and is all I want. Forever if God wants that.
It's just that my life seems to be everything he is against.
I really don't know what to say except I hope he searches his soul for what really does make him happy and go for that.
I didn't mean to really write about him in this post, but it just sort of happened. I hope he isn't mad at me for it, and I hope my friend isn't for posting my chat with him either.
I do love Chuck with all of my heart and hope someday he'll truely be happy.
Chuck was standing behind me and got this look on his face, sorta like the 'haha, something just made my day' look. Next thing you know I feel him pulling through my hair like my old bird used to do (I had a bird that would go into people's heads and try to make nests out of there hair).
"AH HA! I found one"
"One what?"
"A grey hair!"
My first grey hair. UGH!!!
I thought I was gonna look rather young forever ;) But I guess God has other plans for me.
This just was the icing on the cake for a rather low key morning. Nothing really seems to be going my way lately. But you know what? While I am bothered by this I still have hope that something will work out the way it should. No more worries or compliants, no more stresses or what if's... something at some point has got to go smooth and easy, right?
And if not damnit, I'm moving to Florida and starting a new life ;)
Glad today is friday. Had a somewhat rough week earlier, but the past day or so has been nice. I can't believe this warm weather we are having.
Cmd0: Lol I think if I EVER did drag, I would do an opera
Cmd0: :-D
CuteYoBoy: wow, you mean those big puffy dresses and victorian style makeup?
Cmd0: lol I don't know about all that
Cmd0: I don't know what I'd wear
Cmd0: lol I just know what I would choose to sing
CuteYoBoy: which would be?
Cmd0: something opera
Cmd0: I dunno
Cmd0: maybe Carmen
Cmd0: and I'd wear a sexy red dress
CuteYoBoy: haha, cool
CuteYoBoy: I think I would try to be Alanis if I did it
Cmd0: lol aren't you kind of umm, big?
CuteYoBoy: yeah, to tall to really turn into a female... and certain things would be hard to hide
Cmd0: lol I'm taller than you
Cmd0: you'd look like a freaking lesbian, which is sort of redundant don't you think?
Cmd0: I mean if your a guy trying to dress as a woman you might as well look like a REAL woman
CuteYoBoy: I have this wig that I bought for a halloween costume that was supposed to be a pimp daddy from Jamaca... and I look like Alanis in that
Cmd0: lol
Cmd0: a white pimp daddy from Jamaca
Cmd0: hmm
CuteYoBoy: haha, well I'm not completely white
Cmd0: you sure as hell don't look jamacan
Cmd0: you don't even look like you could be from an Island
CuteYoBoy: LOL
CuteYoBoy: not even Fire Island?
Cmd0: LOL
Cmd0: well maybe there
All this week traffic has been a breeze. Did everyone but me take off work or something? I've been making it home in about 15 minutes when it normally takes me 30.
I saw this car's license plate say "86THEBS". I thought that was cute.
Anyways, these past few days have been a little better at work, but as you know when one thing gets good something else has to go bad... Life can never give you 100% can it? I was up way late last night and I think I need a nice nap.
I wanted to wish you all a very Happy New Year. Thank you for the comments to me about wishing me one as well. I wanted to write you all back I swear! Lets hope this years brings us more happiness, wealth, health, and much more time with all our loved ones.
