Tuesday, January 11, 2005

What is in your relationship?

The following has been edited to get rid of references and reduce time to read:

Someone: I know that PETER THE PUMPKIN EATER and I aren't going to work
Someone: the other thing Saturday when we were having this talk I asked him, do you want me or do you want a relationship
Someone: he said he wanted a relationship
Someone: I want HIM
Someone: does that make sense?
Someone: because they don't mean the same thing in my opinion
Someone: one you want a relationship, you'll take anyone you can
Someone: it's more for security than love
Someone: lol the other is you want to be with that person
CuteYoBoy: yeah, it makes sense... he is getting into a relationship with you for the wrong reasons if he doesn't want YOU
CuteYoBoy: Exactly, it is more for security if that is the case
CuteYoBoy: I think most people want someone around to cuddle with, talk to, ... have that sense of security... but they choose relationships with people that provide those things but at the same time they don't want that PERSON, they just want everything that goes with a relationship
Someone: lol but I want him
CuteYoBoy: well I really wish I knew what to say... the first thing that pops in my head is thinking, maybe you can get him to want you. But then I wonder if that really can work
Someone: *sigh* I can't
Someone: my strong point dosent
Someone: lie in the range of his priorities
Someone: looks are important to him
Someone: to him I'm just okay
Someone: it's funny
Someone: think about how menial this is
Someone: I CAN be happy single
Someone: I've done it before
Someone: so why am I working so hard for this?
Someone: why do I have to base my entire life around finding a relationship, especially when I know it won't last?

CuteYoBoy: Maybe you like the challenge
CuteYoBoy: Maybe in your heart you are just longing for some time, ANY time you can spend with another person

Now I hope the person doesn't get mad at me for posting this. I really do think there are people out there who are not happy with who they are with, but happy with everything else that a relationship brings.

Maybe I'm wrong about that, but it wouldn't surprise me.

All I'm sure about on this is that I'm definately glad to have Chuck. I do know I want HIM. He's so wonderful to look at, he makes me laugh, sends me up to the heavens when he says "I love you". There are so many things about him as a person I do love.

While of course we have our differences, I know all couples have some.

Just pray for him in the coming weeks and months. Things are gonna get rough for him. While I am there by his side he can definately use you all as friends as well. Even if you are not really "friends" just say a quick one for him. I'm sure he is hurting on the inside about something right now and I feel bad I can't make it right. Now if only I had like super duper powers or money, then maybe I could.

You know how relationships are... they have the good and the bad. The highs and the lows... Chuck is going through a low right now and I wish this wasn't the case. Part of me wonders if I'm the right guy for him. I'm not saying that I'm not happy.. I am, but he isn't. And I know it's partly my fault. I really didn't do anything wrong (if you all are thinking "Shame! Billy had an affair!" that isn't the case at all). I don't even want to think about sex with anybody else, Chuck definately makes me happy and is all I want. Forever if God wants that.

It's just that my life seems to be everything he is against.

I really don't know what to say except I hope he searches his soul for what really does make him happy and go for that.

I didn't mean to really write about him in this post, but it just sort of happened. I hope he isn't mad at me for it, and I hope my friend isn't for posting my chat with him either.

I do love Chuck with all of my heart and hope someday he'll truely be happy.