Wednesday, March 30, 2005


The most exciting thing that happens at my job is when the vending machine keeps a snack from falling, and we hear someone trying to bang it around. Or when someone gets into an argument with their loved ones... now that's excitement! ;)

I have a pretty boring job. Lately they decided to give me more work, so I really haven't had much free time to write on the blog. Hopefully you all are well out there since I also haven't had much time lately to look at everyone else's blog.

On the way home from work I saw this Mustang pulled over on the side of the road yesterday by 4 cop SUV's. Not just cop cars, but all of them were SUV's which I thought was strange. I wonder what in the hell did they do to get pulled over by that many police. Must be drugs or dangerous driving speeds or something. Still the SUV part didn't make much sense. The car looked pimped out, and had 2 teenage boys that looked thugish in it... so of course your mind would probably think fast car or drugs.

Not to much going on in my life. Had a rough past few days but it's looking like things might get better. I think sometimes maybe I concern myself with to much. There is family, friends, love, drugs, and stress all knocking at my door with concerns... Maybe I shouldn't answer it and let them find the neighbors ;) I hope in this roller coaster of life I start going up a big hill and get stuck at the top.

Kinda reminds me when I went to King's Dominian and was about to ride the "Flight of fear" roller coaster. It's one of those roller coasters that shoots you off from 0-60 in 4 seconds. Well for some reason the coaster malfuntioned with the train that was right before the one we were supposed to get on. We heard screams coming out of the tunnel and people yelling "We're stuck" among other 4 letter words. Turns out the roller coaster got stuck upside down in the loop inside the building. I'm glad I wasn't on the train. They made us leave the building while I guess somehow they got the people off.

Makes me think of another time I was at Disney and something bad happened on a ride. I'll save that story for another day I think.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Pretty Good Year

Don't really have much to write about. Have some concerns on my mind, but not sure I want to put them all down on this blog right now.

On another note, someone from the past sorta knocked on my door today. Actually knocked on Chuck's door since him and Chuck started talking on Ugh, I'm not to thrilled about it, but not much I can do either. And speaking of which, is there anybody that uses for friends? I've talked recently with a bunch of my buds on AIM and they all say is a hook up site. Not that I'm saying Chuck is trying to hook up on it, but it just seems it's packed with filthy guys after one thing. I could really go on and on about this subject, but I also don't want someone mad at me if I'm gonna vent.

There is gotta be an easier way to meet friends? Any of you know of any where you don't have to view profiles of naked guys with their huge dicks hanging out and nick names like Hungtop4u? It seems that is mostly what I see happening on there.

On another note I recently got Tori Amos' Complete Video Collection. Some of her videos are very creative. And some are just classic good songs I think. It's been a pretty good year, and for that here is the video:

Tori Amos - Pretty Good Year

Tori Amos - Pretty Good Year

Friday, March 25, 2005


If any of you have chatted with me on AIM you'll know from time to time I'll ask a lot of questions. Usually ones that make you think a little, but also just to know where the other person is coming from. Samples of these are like:

If you could communicate with any type of animal, which animal would you chose? (must people say human which I think is a cop out answer)

Name the grossest thing you have ever put in your mouth. (I've heard some interesting stories on this one)

If you could be seven years old again for one whole day, knowing what you know now, how would you spend it? (classic answer that almost everyone says is "I'd tell my parents to buy stock in Microsoft" [or some other way to make money]

Who is the most interesting person you have ever met? And this is the one I just got a very interesting answer on. Someone just said Chuck and I were the most interesting people he has ever met (although we never met this guy in person, just chatted online with him). I don't mean to be mean, but if you say this then you probably don't get out much or are good with flattery. I really don't find myself all that interesting. Chuck is more so definately. But I'm guessing this also has to deal with age. Maybe as you get older you just so happen to meet more interesting people. I thought it was funny in any case and thought I would write a quick blog about it. Again, not trying to be mean at all, just was a weird and shocking answer. Especially since Chuck and I just recently started talking to this guy like a week or 2 ago. I'm not knocking the answer, just surprised is all.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Song 150

Well in a previous post I talked about sending Chuck e-mails each day with a song attached and the lyrics typed out so that he knows I'm thinking about him. The song usually has lyrics that mean/say something to him about what I'm thinking. I've now reached song 150 and I thought I would post the latest 50 songs in case someone out there is looking for romantic music and needs ideas and because I just felt like telling the world that I care about him. If you would like to see the first list of 100, CLICK HERE.

Chuck was looking mighty fine the other night. He was laying in my lap like he almost always does (and I love) and I rub his back and head while we watch TV. He bought this bling bling silver neckless, and man does it look good on him. He was also wearing a wife beater and jeans... all I could think was "God he is so fucking hot!". I have this clothes/look type fetish and boy was he sporting it. YUMMY! WOOF!

Ok, before I get myself aroused at work I better paste the list. Enjoy!

Jim Brickman Collin Raye & Susan Ashton - The Gift (100)
Whitney Houston - I Believe in you and me (101)
Aerosmith - I Don't want to miss a thing (102)
Robyn - Show Me Love (103)
Leann Rimes - Looking Through Your Eyes (104)
98 Degrees - Because of You (105)
Jesse McCartney - Beautiful Soul (106)
Celine Dion - Faith (107)
Roberta Flack - The First Time ever I Saw Your Face (108)
Ashlee Simpson - Peices of Me (109)
Martina McBride - There you Are (110)
BBMAK - Back Here (111)
Savage Garden - Crash and Burn (112)
Tim Mcgraw - Best Friends (113)
Kelly Clarkson - Anytime (114)
Clay Aiken - I will carry you (115)
Celine Dion - Then you look at me (116)
Journey - Faithfully (117)
Billy Joel - Just the Way you are (118)
DJ Sammy - Heaven {Yanou's Candlelight Mix} (119)
Elton John - This is Your Song (120)
Billy Joel - You're my Home (121)
Faith Hill - Breathe (122)
Sonique - It Feels so Good (123)
Celine Dion - That's the Way it is (124)
Jo Dee Messina - That's the Way it is (125)
Lee Anee Womack - I hope you dance (126)
Faith Hill - The Way you Love me (127)
Dixie Chicks - Cowboy Take me Away (128)
Alicia Keys - If I Ain't Got You (piano vocal version) (129)
Whitney Houston - My Love is your Love (dance remix) (130)
Karla Bonoff - Standing Right Next to me (131)
Pandora - Don't Worry (132)
Carly Simon - Something Wonderful (133)
Jefferson Starship - Nothing's gonna stop us now (134)
Kylie Minogue - Love at First Sight (135)
Ashlee Simpson - Lala (136)
Katrina and the Waves - Walking on Sunshine (137)
Hoobastank - The Reason (138)
Natalie Cole - This will be an Everlasting Love (139)
Uncle Sam Band - When I see you Smile (140)
Wynonna Judd - You were Loved (141)
Minnie Riperton - Lovin You (142)
Carly Simon - Nobody Does it better (143)
Myra - Miracles Happen (when you believe) (144)
Natural - Put your arms around me (145)
Oasis - Wonderwall (146)
Debbie Boone - You light up my life (147)
The Calling - Wherever you will go (148)
Soluna - For all time (149)
Sophie B. Hawkins - As I lay me down (150)

Monday, March 21, 2005

What your sleeping position..

... says about your marriage (or relationship). I saw this article on MSN and thought it was interesting how someone went and analyzed the positions couples sleep in bed with.

Take a look here if you are interested in hearing how a so called expert says about how you sleep with your partner.

Personally I like holding Chuck in bed, but I tend to produce a lot of heat so it gets tough to, and then we both get uncomfortable because of the heat. Every now and then we touch feet or wrap our legs around each other. Sometimes I keep a little distance and place my hand on him... I don't know, but I do know when I touch him (even just the feet) I feel more comfortable. This sometimes doesn't work though, because I think out of habit I tend to lay on the edge of the bed. I feel comfortable being near the edge. Even when I was single and had a queen size bed to myself, I never really made use of much of the space. I hardly ever sprawl out or push people off or anything like that.

I think the only annoying thing I do in bed is make noises. Chuck says I make lip smacking noises sometimes in bed. I think this is from my throat getting dry so easily. Sometimes I grind my teeth, but I tend to only do that I think when I'm really stressed out about something. Chuck doesn't do much in his sleep except he moans sometimes. I just hope he is moaning about me ;) He snores a little, but it's so cute and I'm not bothered by it at all. In fact I'm strange, I find it rather soothing :)

I wish there was a way for me to stop the noises I make, cuze I'm sure I keep or wake Chuck up by them. He doesn't say it, but I would take a guess I probably do.

Friday, March 18, 2005


No I'm not starting a song a day post, but I heard this song and really enjoyed it, so I thought I would share...

Maria Mena - Fragile (Free).WMA (windows media 9 encoded)

I`ve been walking around all day, thinking
I think i have a problem, I think I think too much
I`ve been tought to hold back my tears and avoid them
but you`ve made pain into something I could touch

I`ve been walking around all day, laughing
Think I`d be better off whithout you here
And I bet you are sweet and hard to get over
So I`ll cry and people will stop and stare
now thats ok, let them stop and stare...

coz I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
but I am free...

I`ve been walking around all day, waiting
and waiting is all I seem to do
´cause I never get it unless I`m fed it
but this time I'll just have to
yeah this time I'll just have to...

and I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
but I am free...

Say you're not around... am I finished?
If you`re not around that's too bad
Hope you´re safe and sound, not alone now
´cause you know I belive in you...

I'm still fragile
I'm still hopeless
I'm not perfect
but I am free...

I am fragile
I am hopeless
I'm not perfect
but I am free...

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Once, Twice, Three time a..

Thanks for the times that you've given me, the memories are all in my mind... *sings*.. ok, I better stop before you all go deaf.

But I wanted to say thank you to all that wrote e-mails, comments, and IM's to me about my last post. It was nice to know that there are a lot of people out there that care. Some maybe a little sick in the head with extremes of marriage proposals if I break up, and others with violence towards Chuck if that happened.... no need for either of that.

If something were to happen I think I'm hanging up my coat from dating for awhile.

Anyways, on that same note I also wanted to say that things are a little better today. While I'm sure we both have our concerns I think it's fair to say that we are doing ok at this point. I have things I need to work on and Chuck has his. These are things that would make each of us respect one another more and in turn I think we would become stronger by them.

So I raise a glass and sing "You and I in a little toy shop, buy a bag of balloons with the money we've got. Set them free at the break of dawn 'Til one by one, they were gone." (99 Luftballons)

I think these issues are like those ballons. I have all of them that I've acquired from the past and now I just want to set them free until they are all gone. Kinda peaceful watching them float away. Lets hope next time I get blue ballons instead ;)

And the last verse of the song...

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty

In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenier
Just to prove the world was here...
And here is a red balloon
I think of you and let it go.

Monday, March 14, 2005

I'll blow your house in

Sometimes I wonder if that would be an easy out.

Friday into Sat. Chuck and I had a huge fight. One that I don't know we can get over. I won't get into details but it was definately one of those "What are we doing here?" type ones.

Now I'm even more scared about what the future holds.

I don't know if we are going to just ignore everything that was said that was negative, because it sounded like we shouldn't be together... or do we try to fix things? Since nothing ended clear with it, I'm trying to just fix some of the things that I do wrong in our relationship. I've been trying on and off, but I really see that I gotta stop what I'm doing. Starting today I've making an effort to stop something, lets hope it works out for the best and I don't get screwed over in the end.

Wish me luck!

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Crazy weather

This is some of the strangest weather I have ever seen.

Yesterday it was 71 degrees outside, sunny, just perfect... Today, it's currectly 26 degrees and snowing like a blizzard outside. The weather says it dropped 20 degrees in 1 hour. You would think since it was so warm yesterday that it wouldn't stick or do much, but it's now sticking to the roads and I just saw a guy scrape off ice from his car.

I'm not much for winter at all. When it comes to the cold weather I just prefer to stay indoors away from the cold. I definately become more of a homebody at this point.

In the warmer months I tend to like to get out a little more and enjoy the outdoors and being able to go outside without having to deal with the cold. Plus I just feel like I have more energy or something when it's warmer. Sounds strange I know, and I'm sure it's all mental.

Monday, March 07, 2005

Chaos with "Josh"

My coworker Steve handed me a CD that I had to listen to. I've already heard most of the CD, but a few songs I hadn't heard of before. So I left it on my desk until I had a moment that I could put some headphones on and listen to what I was missing.

The CD was Josh Groban. A singer with a great voice and heartfelt music.

Then one of my coworkers walks by "OH MY GOD!!! JOSH!! He's so amazing. I just love that song 'You Raise me up'. I cried the first time I heard it."

Another one walks by a couple minutes later "Oh Billy, Josh Groban is so talented. 'You Raise me up' just gives me goosebumps whenever I hear it."

And yet another one comes by and grabs me by the hand "You have great taste, when you are done with it can I listen to it? I really like that song 'You Raise me up' ".

At this point I was talking more about the artist then getting my work done. So I quickly listened to the songs I hadn't heard before (which of course were just as excellent as all his others) and gave the CD back so I could get my work done.

For those who haven't heard of him or the song you can click HERE for the song 'You Raise me up'

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


Well, I got an e-mail from my friend Wayne. It was one of those e-mails that has about 20 or so questions in it like "What flavor of ice cream do you like?" & "croutons or bacon bits?"... and I told him I would write up my answers on my blog. I thought about it some and I'll debate with the idea for a few... but speaking of questions I had a question that I asked almost everyone I chatted with online today.

The question was like "If you could communicate with one animal, which animal would it be?".

Well, almost every single person gave the smart ass answer of "Humans". No shit Sherlock, besides humans. Guess I wasn't clear enough. Only 1 person gave me the answer of "monkeys" right off the bat. I give them some props for being creative off the bat. After saying to these other people besides humans what would it be. I got pretty much the same answers. Most people said "Dolphins", which was actually my choice as well. One person said "birds" which I thought was an interesting answer as well.

After thinking about this question some I went outside for a cig with my coworkers. We started talking about winning the lotto. My coworkers had some interesting ideas on what they would do with a big amount of money. The first thing that popped into my head is that of course what is mine is also Chuck's. So he would get a big chunk of it, and I would probably spend a fortune on surprises for him. I would put the majority of it into a house and a car for us. The 2 things that tend to make your life a little easier. I wouldn't buy a $200,000 car... I might spend about $40,000-50,000 on one. But no need to go overboard on it. Now with a house, I think I would move back to MD, where Chuck seems to be happier. I don't mind MD at all... and with some money we could get a really nice place there. The cost of living is to high where I'm at now. The only place I might consider buying in the area is a place called "Great Falls". It's so beautiful there and peaceful. You can go out on the rocks near the falls and eat or read a book... It's like a mini Niagara Falls. But property is outrageous there.

Don't get me wrong, I love VA, and I was born in VA, but I did live most of my life in MD. Both places I hold very dear to me because of memories and other things. Both places I feel like I could be happy in. But I gotta think about a future for the both of us, and with Chuck I think MD would be a better choice. Plus most of my family lives in MD.

As for some of the rest, and maybe I blogged about this before (it feels like deshavu, don't you hate that feeling?), I would give to friends and family. Buy them gifts that they need, and maybe give everyone that has touched my heart in some way a $1,000 a piece. That would include some of the dear friends I have made online as well. And Chuck's family... I would want to get his dad something (but I can't talk about that online). And his mom, definitely something special. Maybe pay off their house if we can afford it. I'd even get his grandma some plastic seat covers (inside joke).

As long as I have the necessities covered like car and house, I think I want to spread a little happiness to those that need it in my life.

On a side note I want to thank the people that had concerns about my post the other day and being depressed. I got several e-mails and IM's about that. While I didn't go into details with anyone I appreciate people trying to cheer me up. Today was in a way a harder day for me, but at the same time I am happier. Thank you.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Porn continued

Well I got an e-mail back from that dude about asking me for "work". I filled him in on me since he asked... you know all the basics and told him I was taken. His first e-mail didn't come to me so he wrote another asking if I got the first e-mail. I told him no I didn't, and then he wrote me this:

God damn my email lol ;)

Well, I said I am 33.. I didn't know you were gay.. but that's pretty impressive. You're a sexy ass dude.. I'd definately like to discuss some work with you. who knows, maybe we could come to a happy middle.. not all my shit is necessarily 'erotic' in

All the same, since you have me the 411 on's some info on me:

I gotta crash its almost 3am :(.. another night of no sleep... and fucking snow is annoying.

Hit me back and add me to your messenger yo


Checked out his profile, he seems aiight. I told Chuck this morning this guy would be his type since he likes arabic and has jewish tattoos. Plus Chuck seems to go for this type of guy in looks.

I'm kinda depressed this morning. Don't really want to get into the reasons why. Lets just say it also deals with porn. I can't be to upset though, least someone out there thinks I'm hot enough to jerk off to ;) I had a guy recently tell me he only uses my pics lately... to be honest, I was really flattered by this. I mean here he is finding pleasure in me only. Thought that was pretty cool.

I wonder if Prince Charming and Cinderella use porn ;)