Friday, July 29, 2005

1 year, something even better

In the past days I posted how I went on 1 year at blogging... well Wednesday Chuck and I celebrated our 1 year anniversary.

There are a few things I want to get out in this post that I'm not sure you knew about. One being I don't have good luck with anniversaries at all. My ex Kevin and I shared few good ones in the 7 years we were together. Most of the time for some strange reason we ended up fighting on it. 2 times he broke up with me on them... and it's not like we fought all the time so this was normal... we didn't, but somehow on anniversaries it seemed like the day just had an evil curse to it.

Another thing is the other night I remembered how Chuck and I first met. I think I may have told part of the story before, but what I didn't tell you was that first reaction I got when I saw him. I went to his job because he asked me to stop by and visit, just so we could talk some in person since we were talking online before that point. I stopped by and remember going inside his restaurant asking for him. He came to me and told me his parents were there but they were leaving in a second and if I could just wait for a moment until they leave. Honestly I don't remember getting a good look at him at this point because I was just so nervous about things. I went outside the front door and waited there. I saw him walk his parents out and at that moment I really did see him. And what I saw was amazing. I looked at him thinking "Wow, he's beautiful" and he had the look I would dream about at nights.

The past 2 days we spent together and I'll say that they were wonderful. Unfortunately even with the good, came what seemed like that curse again.

Chuck requested me to drive up to a hotel. Before I drive there I hear from him that the website he used booked the hotel for the wrong day. So he is being charged for that wrong day and now since he still wanted to make plans he was being charged twice as much since it was a last minute booking. Suddenly a hotel that should cost $133 a night in Baltimore now costed Chuck over $500 because of the mistake. That left him with no money to do what he really wanted to do for me. Also while on my way to the hotel I was pulling out the directions and accidentally wasn't paying much attention to the light ahead and ran a red light which took my picture. So I'm expecting a fine and points from that. I left at 7pm and didn't get to the place until 9:30 pm... and the place is only about 50 miles away... so being stuck in what seemed like traffic that never moved didn't place my mind with thoughts of joy beforehand. Honestly when I first got there I felt like crying, nothing had been going well at this point.

I had worked that Wednesday, so I didn't have much energy for anything that night if you know what I mean.. and boy I wish I did. Although last night we made up for that, lol. FYI, if you see me today and wonder why I look so out of it all I got to say is I got 3 hours of sleep.

After the initial drama you would think that I might say I didn't have the best of times, but I did. Chuck is one amazing guy and for some reason when I spend time with him it feels like the rest of the world has stopped. He may not hear this from me often, but I love our times together and he does make me happy. I can grip about imperfections but I do know none of us are perfect. Sometimes I have a dream of being with Prince Charming... having that fairy tale of a guy that really does treat me like royality just like I try to treat him that way. I'm learning that I shouldn't hold anyone to those levels. I will say that I think of Chuck not as a prince, but as my soul mate. There are so many things he does right and I just don't often tell him. He is my one true love and I only hope he doesn't forget that. Prince fuck that.... I want my Chuck.

I only hope years from now we still have a good thing going for us. I have thoughts of fear because in the past I have been hurt. I was even hurt by Chuck in the beginning. At times he can also be really flirty and looks at guys like sexual objects and allows guys to look at him that way as well. So seeing that hurts... especially since that is how I got hurt so many times before. I gotta try to move away from my past and live for the present and focus on a future. I know some of you may not believe in a God, but I do. And I pray that to my dieing day (and of old age *hey I can dream*) that I'll be with my pup named Chuck. His first words to me were "Woof!", as I hope my last word to him may be "Woof!"... and "I love you and will continue to love you for eternity".