Bitch, bitch, bitch..

Hey, not much new going on.

I love the ZEN. I finally got it to where I put in most of my music collection and two movies (Finding Nemo and Toy Story 2) in it. I can never get enough of those 2 movies. I finally got Chuck to watch Finding Nemo. I don't think he really enjoyed it though. Sometimes I wonder how such opposites can attract and stay together. He used to throw a small fit whenever I mentioned watching either movie. And sadly enough they are my favorite movies. Weird to say this, but it felt like he didn't care about anything I enjoyed and seemed more concerned about himself. I know a part of that isn't true, but subconsciously you wonder… why won't he do anything that I want, like watch those 2 movies or show me some love by him taking actions on cuddling. I'm always the one who pets him and he lays on me, but why can't the roles be reversed? I've asked him this, and he says well you just need to tell me. Somehow in the moment you don't want to have to tell you partner to "Cuddle with me". You just want it to happen and be offered.

His ex Tiffany (yes he has a female ex that he had a daughter with) seems to be trying to get back in his life. She disappears for the longest time without hearing a word, and now all of the sudden they are buddy buddy again. I find this weird too.

Ok, I just had to get those off my chest.

I've been worried about money lately too. Now it's time to bitch out my ex Kevin. He offered a few months back to send me a check since he had told Maria to keep half of my security deposit since we used to live together. But back then he offered up half of his deposit to me and said I could have it because he moved out early and broke our lease. Well Maria didn't pay me that part of the security deposit because Kevin told her to keep it. He claimed to feel bad about it and offered to send me a check since it was his fault for telling her that. Well I have yet to see that check and honestly money is extremely tight right now. I don't know how I'm going to get by until my next check. No shopping for food and gas is going to have to be a priority to save up for to get to work until I get my next paycheck.

Being sarcastic I wanna say "Thank you Kevin!"

Now who else can I bitch about?

I don't want to turn my entire blog into a negative one where all I do is bitch all the time. I feel bad enough I don't write near as often in here. I sometimes feel like I want to get back into writing every day… even going back and doing my songs again. But other times I feel like I have nothing to say or I've lost my audience anyways so why bother.

I have a lot on my mind though and this seems like a cheap outlet. If someone reads this and doesn't like what I have to say, tough… this is how I feel and I wanted to say it.

Another cheap outlet is piano playing which I might start up again. Since the move I haven't touched my keyboard, but it was great stress relief. So either I need to get out and exercise, play the piano, write a blog, or find some other new hobby to get my mind off things. Oh, and the ZEN has helped me keep sanity at work. Without music I don't know where I would be right now.