Wednesday, November 10, 2004

I'm not dead

Hey gang,

A lot of nothing I want to do has been going on. Been busy with work and free time isn't usually free around a computer lately. Half the time I'm logged into AIM, but I'm actually busy working on work.

I just thought I would write up a blog to let you know everything is going ok, and I haven't forgotten.

Chuck and I are doing pretty well. We have some things that concern me, but I guess every couple has those. I think the only thing that comes to mind all the time with him is how much I just wish I could hold him in my arms. It gets really hard sometimes only seeing him once in a while. Part of me wonders what he is doing, another part starts getting insecure feelings when I'm away from him.

I also have this "on again off again" feeling towards him doing "something he does" (we'll call it that). It seems like (even though he says it isn't) it is a huge part of who he is. And if I tell him I don't like it I might just push his "limit" button and he'll leave. There is a part of me that doesn't see much harm in this thing, and I think nobody is perfect. Then there is another part of me that gets bothered sometimes by it (like the frequency). Maybe I'm being to picky, maybe I need a good therapy session on this. I feel like the past few weeks we have put each other through an fair amount of stress (along with a hell of a lot of happiness as well). I have been asking him to change his life styles, and I know that isn't right. Shouldn't he be who he wants to be? And I think I myself have to high of an expectation for any guy to hold. Somehow we both have to compromise.