Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Give a little bit of heart and soul

Hey!  Hope you all are doing well  (this sounds like I'm writing up an e-mail)...   I'm basically here to give you a small piece of my heart.  I have a few readers out there now and they don't really know anything about me really.  They can guess I try hard sometimes to give a laugh or two,  and that I'm a little on the perverted side.  I have a wide range of music tastes and I enjoy reading, writing, and chatting.  Now if only I paid more attention to spelling and grammar back in the day people might be able to understand me when I do this  ;) 

While I'm new to writing blogs,  I've been reading them for a while.  There has been some debate out there on how far you should take your writings. I'm really scared to cross this point myself.  How much of myself should I give?  Should I talk about others in them?  Should I only say good things if I do talk about others?  Should I give some of those deep thoughts that I have and actually make this blog have heart?  I think my goal in this is to just be a little entertaining, have fun, and make someone maybe laugh, cry, learn, think, or just have a good time.

So let me give you a little good and bad about me (especially on the relationship front).   One bad thing that has caused problems in relationships that I have been in - I'm a jealous person.  A little to jealous.  I'm really trying to work on that... and the next relationship I go into,  I'm going to try really hard to not be the way that I have been.

Another bad thing for some - I like staying home.  This puts a damper on guys that like to go out to clubs and shit.  I would much rather be a homeboy and cuddle up to some good movies then be out at a club.  Part of this is also another bad for some - I don't dance.  For some reason God gave me 2 left feet when it comes to dancing.

Another bad to some,  but great to me - I'm a big kid at heart.  In all aspects.  I love to mess around with people (sometimes just a soft kick in the ass with the guy I'm out with), playful things....  Even things like video games..  totally fun for me,  and a turn off to most gay guys it seems.  You don't know how much I want a guy that would just play a game or 2 with me every now and then. 

But in all of this there is some good on everyone's level I think.  I'm a caring person.  I really do care about the people I love.  I look out for those that are around me,  and try to help them whenever I can if they need it.

I also try to be romantic.  Just sending love notes all day to someone I love... making them know that they mean something to me.  I've sent flowers before (unheard of by some gay guys), chocolates... cards...  and most important.. affection.  I love it.  Giving it and getting it.  I have no problems giving a guy a long backrub, scratching their back, rubbing their feet, holding them, cuddling with them...  I just also need some of that in return.

Another good thing is I try to work things out if possible (don't let a relationship end if you have an argument).  I've had a relationship last for 7 years.  That should say something.  I don't like to sleep around either.  I don't understand guys that fuck around without having feelings for the person.  I know they are trying to get their rocks off,  but that's not for me. I really want to share myself with someone I care for.

Now where is the heart in this you might ask?  I don't know.  I really have a hard time pouring it all out to this white screen right now.  Part of me thinks it's because I feel a little jaded about relationships.  Another part of me thinks that I'm very happy being alone right now (which is weird, but great).  You know people say you gotta be happy being with yourself before being with someone else.. and I now feel like that is so true.  I have this new self confidence about me (not cocky) just sure that even if I don't end up with someone,  I'll be fine.  Before I would panic thinking that I could spend the rest of my life without someone in my arms,  I couldn't! But now I see that I'll survive and be happy.  Sure,  having someone to hold would make me happier at times,  but it isn't something I need to have in order to make it through this life.
So you know,  this blog just turned into a random set of thoughts.  But maybe some good will come out of it, who knows.


Hey, you and me both. Way too many fags are shallow, prissy fools more interested in how good you make them look than anything substantive. I say, go on being adorkable, go on loving the inner geek, go on loving movies!

Honestly, it makes you into an interesting person, and not just some manicured boy colt out romping on the dancefloor. I can relate, trust me.

By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:49 PM  

Very good writing...self effacing and deprecatory. Endearing even. Enjoying it, but I have one question. Don't some porn flicks have a plot? Just a thought.

In the meantime, keep searching for a plot/meaning...you'll find one. I sure did!

By Blogger BSC, at 11:32 PM  

A blog is for you to express yourself in any way that feels comfortable for you. Follow your instincts and you can't go wrong. However, it may take time for you to open up as far as you'll eventually go. Give it time.

Jealousy has occurred in my life when I was involved with people that I knew on a subconscious level would never work out.

Every relationship takes compromise. I see no harm in asking someone to play video games with you in exchange for going out once in a while. There is no one gay mold; we're all different.

You're right. You do have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Madonna summed it up well in "Secret."

When you become fine with the thought that you may never find someone and actually be happy living by yourself, that's when you usually find "the one."

By Blogger Jef, at 1:03 AM  

You know you will always have Blue. The boy of your life. *wink*

By Blogger Meow, at 9:07 AM  

I'm new to your blog but that was very well written and heart felt. I think a blog is a great place to express feelings just like those. You get to know the blogger a bit better after a post like that. Also, I feel the same way about relationships, etc. Enjoyed it.

By Blogger Archerr, at 9:16 AM  

Wanna be my boyfriend? :)


By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:44 AM  

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